self examination
I'm not sure if loneliness is my greatest fear anymore. I think I've worked that out with myself. Made peace with it, even found comfort in my own solace. To be honest, now that I'm turning 20 soon, I’ve realised that what truly unsettles me is the fear of stagnation. The fear of growing older without growing inward, without any development. Existing, but not evolving. My biggest fear is not progressing as a person. What disturbs me most is the possibility of deteriorating in character. That I might wake up one day and realise I’ve become smaller, harsher, less aware than I once was. I notice this fear most intensely when I make a mistake or do something wrong. In those moments, I spiral: "Have I changed for the worse?" "Am I not a better person than I was before?" "Have I regressed?" I think this is a fear of moral regression. Of becoming someone I don’t respect. As I approach 20, I'm entering a stage where growth no longer feels auto...