a passing thought

 I feel like nobody talks about the process of being good. The battle to become soft, or kinder. The violence it takes to become gentle. The many times you fall back into a cycle of negativity and anger. Or maybe that's what everybody's talking about. I don't know. The thing is, I'm too busy wallowing in sadness and misery every time I find myself slipping into a rage and going overboard. It is a struggle. You don't just become gentle overnight. I'm not saying it's difficult either but it is definitely a process in which everyone deals with it differently. It's impressive that you even want to try because some are just too engrossed in their own ego, they lose touch with reality and completely lack empathy. The truth is, you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. The other day I had come across a post on the internet that said, "Everything I've ever let go has claw marks." I think about it every day. Everything makes sense. You are bound to hit rock bottom. Every time you ever do is an opportunity to be a bit more graceful. A revelation to a kinder version of yourself. I don't know everything, and I am learning every day. But I think all the negative emotions I have like anger, sadness, fear, and more are rooted in one thing and that is love. And I know I shall put all that love into my healing. All in time I'll find myself responding differently to situations that my old self would've had a meltdown over. I know I'll have people tell me it'll only get worse but that won't matter. My heart will not harden because I'll do my part in keeping it soft. With courage and patience, I know I'll make it.