HELLO GOODBYE

(February 29th 2024)

It wasn't until today, the last day of high school, that I realized, I may have loved them. It was supposed to be the best day of my life. Time is a funny thing. Subconsciously, I've always been afraid of leaving. I realized that today means so much more than just the end of a chapter or the beginning of a new one.

I've cried enough tears from hugging my teachers and peers. I need a moment to let it all sink in now. As I sit down and begin to recollect the memories I have of senior year, finding out what this year has been about, I can't help but get this funny feeling. 

I had made a mistake earlier this year. One that changed my life, and everyone else's. One that I'd beaten myself up to for months. All because I was too afraid of failure and defeat. I proceeded to live, in spite of everything. But remorse and guilt will remain somewhere in the corner of my heart. Forever. The world didn't end regardless, as I had good-natured people to keep company. Come to think of it, perhaps this year is about connection. The attachment, the bond, the people I am kin to. 

Throughout my years here, some friendships of mine have faded away and unanchored. It happens. But I'd like to think they remain tethered, bobbing away at the surface. 

I find myself smiling at the thought of everyone I've grown closer to this year. I think of my girls, and how every year is a process of strengthening our already-so-strong bond. Every year we find our way back to each other despite the universe's attempts at separating us. My classmates, I think of the laughter we've shared, the tears we've shed, the hardships we've battled together. Together. There is comfort in speaking into a void, and magically the void speaks back. My daily routine was unchanging, like a river flowing steadily to the sea. Motionless days like this can spark some anxiety in me. However, like the unexpected arrival of spring in the midst of winter, the presence of these ones gets me through it all. And I think that's a blessing not everyone is fortunate enough to have. The capability to be completely vulnerable and humane with another individual. The ability to have empathy for another human being. To be able to feel their pain. To walk alongside them in their suffering. All it takes is compassion. 

And the rest of batch 06'. I obviously may not know them all by heart. But we're all on the same battlefield, fighting the same fight. My hope is that our bond transcends the boundaries of different classes and grows into real life. We could all stand in unison in the end. 

Now, it is time. It occurs to me that we really are one step closer to escaping the cushioned, limited life of simple worries and entering a life of a million possibilities. And everything will be okay.