just a wee bit of emo

SO. We all have those days, right? Like, days where we feel like everyone's going so fast and we're trying so hard to catch up and stuff. Right, so I was having very deep thoughts last night, and apparently, it hit me. "Is it really everyone that's going so fast or am I just too slow?". It was quite an unpleasant thought and I really regret thinking about it because now I can't stop. I'm not gonna lie, yeah, I have been feeling quite slower than everyone lately (not badly, it's still manageable) and I tend to get anxious about not being able to catch up, but then again, I don't really do anything about it; yes, stupid, but I can't help it haha I'm trying. Well not actually am I not doing anything about it, I just don't do much. I get distracted a lot and wowowow I feel overwhelmed sometimes too. And I really hate being overwhelmed because it just fucks up my whole mind and,, bleughhhh no I don't like talking about it either. OK I'm sorry for cursing I promise I won't curse anymore. Just this one time OK don't tell my mom pleaseeeee. I've always been hearing people say that it's okay to feel overwhelmed and unsure sometimes, it's nothing bad. But, nah, it's really difficult for me to apply it to myself. Every time I get that tiny overwhelming feeling I'm already about to freak out and I try as hard as I can to abandon it or avoid it or just, ignore it. Which is bad, but then again, I can't help it. I flee at the slightest sign of trouble when it comes to my feelings because...... IDK I kinda don't like the idea of feeling so much or giving a FRICK due to the fact that I've got the emotional threshold of a week-old baby. Not cursing anymore OK let's keep it family-friendly. 

I KNOW I KNOW it's really bad. Like super bad. How could I?!?!?! How could I talk about 'not overstraining ourselves' or 'taking it easy on ourselves' or all those comfort stuff when I, myself don't even practice them?!?!?! That's a little bit hypocritical, Safiya..... But well, I don't really have any valid or strong excuse for that. I guess I can only say that I Can't Help It!!!!! So back to what I was saying, about feeling like everyone's going too fast. I don't really wanna elaborate on that, or talk about the reason(s), it's just.. yeah like I said, we all have those days. What suddenly made me think that maybe I'm the slow one here is probably because I've been feeling out of place for quite a while and it just doesn't make sense anymore to think that everyone else is going fast. I'm the slow one here, obviously. And.. haha.. it's kind of hard to accept that haha but.. yea!! It's the truth. Honestly I don't even know why I felt the need to share this with anyone but Here We Are.

So yeah anyways usually after u blabber about ur problems u come up with a solution, right? Yes well, I haven't really got anything yet soooooo... I'll probably continue writing about these things in my book, u know, like, as a way of expressing my feelings and so that I feel at least a little lighter. OK!!!!! I think I'll end it here. I don't have much to say anymore. 

I'll talk to u later, yeah? Happy Valentine's day~ (it was yesterday but better late than never, amiright?) Au revoir.